SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Randomize
