Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
