Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
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