You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
Randomize
