...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
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You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
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Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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