she kept yelling 'call me bella'
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
