Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
