if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Randomize
