Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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