i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
