Whod you bang
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
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