i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
