dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Randomize
