If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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