I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
