Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Randomize
