porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
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