Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
