I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
Reggie can tackle my bush.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
