If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Randomize
