goodnight i made you a song goodbye
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
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Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
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So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!