Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.