Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
