Hey man sorry I got all grabby
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
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While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
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I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat