dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
29 “I’m Getting Old” Moments
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
19 Worst Song Lyrics of All Time
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"