He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
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I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
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I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice