I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
These People Are The Epitome of Lazy
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Disturbing Scenes People Witnessed As Children
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.