Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
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