Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Randomize
