PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
