So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
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