If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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