we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
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