Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
