Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
