Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
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