The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
