She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
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