I can't watch pbs sober anymore
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
