I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
