he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Randomize
