Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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