you would pick up someone in the library
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Randomize
