Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Randomize
