Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Randomize
