Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Randomize
