I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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