he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
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