I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Randomize
