I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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