Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
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