Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
