it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Randomize
