I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
I want a musical about memes.
Randomize
