I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Randomize
