i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
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