I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
