She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Randomize
