my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
