The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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