After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
