remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
