Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Are my feet made of real feet?
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
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