I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
