my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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