i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
