and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
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