he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
You have to summon your inner elephant
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I think people are normalizing furries
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
