he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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