I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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