my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
