Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
My vagina just clenched in fear
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Randomize
