Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Randomize
