State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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