I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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