the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
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