We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
