I think she gave up trying 2 land a bf and let herself go
You misogynist thinking that every girl wants a bf
They do. I don't appreciate u using big words idk and im gonna take offense
I'm going to jail i love you
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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