maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
