I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Randomize
