Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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