i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I just want to make out with him forever
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
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