Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
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