wat bout pragnant strippers??
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
