If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
