i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize
