We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
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