would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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