I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
